If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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