So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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