I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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