Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When did angry sex become our thing?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
