So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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