you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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