It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
