I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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