I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
