My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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