He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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