um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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