Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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