Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
