She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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