i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
