11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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