I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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