I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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