He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
