Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
