i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
