Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
