just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
