well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
