I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
