get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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