you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
