Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
