Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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