drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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