lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
