My first STD was from a foam party
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
