can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i drank out of a bidet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
