the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
