I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
