if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
