So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
