I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
