you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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