I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
