ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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