Banned from zoo.
Again?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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