No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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