is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
