i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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