I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
