Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
