My liver just broke up with me...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
