for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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