I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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