I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
