hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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