Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize