im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
