I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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