the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
