but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize