Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
