the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
