the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
