If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
