happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
