You work out of a Hotel?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
