If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dick very happy bro
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