Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you will always have a special place in my vag
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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