Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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