So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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