She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
