ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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